


Dude, seriously?

by tsun_don_t_you_dere



Category: South Park
Genre: Bratters, Candy, F/M, K2 - Freeform, Kenny is in denial, M/M, Sorta sad, Stendy, Stenny - Freeform, and bradley because oH BOY, as usual, cartman is a dick, first fanfic!! wowie, ft rebecca bc she's pretty great and deserves more love!!, it will get better though, kybecca, stan is oblivious as usual, this is gonna be v gay, wow there are lots of kenny ships in this lmao
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-24 15:22:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14957145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsun_don_t_you_dere/pseuds/tsun_don_t_you_dere
Summary: When Kyle and Stan have a chaotic argument that could end their friendship forever, Kenny must act as a go-between for the ex-super-best-friends. The problem is Kenny ditched them years ago for more promising opportunities- that is, pretty girls- and isn't exactly on the best of terms with them. Then, on top of that, Stan's unfairly pretty blue eyes and Kyle's enticing feisty attitude starts to cause Kenny to start questioning his before-thought heterosexuality. Meanwhile, Kyle runs into his childhood crush and starts to fall in love with her all over again- He thinks so, at least.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> weeeell, welcome!! thank you so much for coming to read this! this is just a random short drabble I decided to write cuz why not? this is kinda crappy and definitely not my best writing

"Well, screw you too!" Kyle screamed, chucking the dirty hat at Stan. "Thanks for nothing, you selfish prick!"

Stan turned around, giving him a menacing glare. “Fuck off, you stupid smartass Jew.” 

A hush fell over the room as the worlds settled in, everyone turning to watch the ticking time-bomb about to go off. 

Said time-bomb's whole body trembled with stifled anger. “What did you just say?” 

The wild look in Kyle’s eyes was one Stan recognized, one that told him he needed to get the hell out of there. So he turned back around and walked out before Kyle exploded.

It took three people to hold the writhing, screaming Kyle back and fifteen minutes to calm him down to an even remotely reasonable state./p>

Everyone agreed that it was overall the suckiest party at Butters’ house ever. And that said a lot.  
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Kenny woke up with another pounding headache the next morning. It seemed the norm now for him to wake up in some sort of pain or another. On those mornings, all he could really do was hope and pray for a quiet and uneventful day. It usually got better by the time he got to school, but this morning the headache was just as bad when he got to school.

He immediately made a b-line for Butters, as the boy usually just made empty small talk that Kenny really needed to clear his mind. His path, however, was interrupted by a seething redhead.

“Kenny, Kenny! Tell Stan I said he’s a self-centered asshole and to go burn in Hell!” Kyle demanded, tugging at Kenny’s sleeve violently.

“What? Why?” Kenny pulled back, his headache already worse due to the sheer volume of Kyle’s voice.

“Because we’re not talking to each other, but I want him to know what I think of him!”

Kenny raised an eyebrow, confused as why Kyle chose him, out of all people. “Uh, aren’t there better ways to do that, besides through me? I haven’t really hung with either of you for a while…”

He shook his head furiously. “No! You’re the only one who hasn’t gotten involved yet that Stan’ll actually listen to!”

“Fine, whatever. I’m not cussing him out for you, but I can deliver a message or something to him if you want.” The last thing Kenny wanted to do was get involved, but he knew at this point it was futile to resist.

“Ok, thanks! Tell him that I’m extremely pissed, and that I’m not going to talk to him until he gets over his huge ego and apologizes.” Kyle crossed his arms.

“Alright. I might paraphrase it a bit, but I’ll make sure it reaches Stan.” 

“Thank you so much, Ken! See you around!” Kyle saluted him and dashed off.

“Damn, it’s been a long time since someone’s called me Ken,” Kenny mumbled to himself, pausing to reflect and then continuing his path. So much for a quiet and uneventful day.

He remembered the last time someone did call him Ken- it was hanging out with Kyle and Stan.

“Come try some, Ken!” Stan had said, offering Kenny the popsicle he was eating.

“Dude, gay,” Kyle had said, and that was that.  
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	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg i posted this today and it already has 13 hits and a subscription?? idk if that's alot on here but it is to me so thank you guys so much for the support!! this isnt that good either oof

“My, my, how the tables have turned,” Kenny whispered under his breath as he entered the library.

A short distance from him was none other than Craig Tucker and Stanley Marsh sitting across from each other, papers strewn chaotically all over the table as they apparently attempted to study together.

“Wait, so you multiply the two numbers together?” Stan asked, looking simultaneously very confused and slightly pissed.

“Yes, you fucking multiply the numbers togeth- Goddammit, Marsh, if you do not stop clicking that fucking pen-“

Kenny cleared his throat, stepping up to their table. “Uh, hey. I have a message for Stan.”          

Both of the raven-haired boys turned their heads to glare at him.

“A message from who, exactly?” Craig gave Kenny his usual skeptical stare.

Kenny took a deep breath, really hoping this would go over at least a little bit smoothly. “Kyle. He wanted me to tell you that he’s really upset and would like to make up with you.”

“How does he want to make up? It’s not like we can go on some magical fucking adventure where the power of ‘friendship’ brings us back together or some shit.” Stan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“He wants you to apologize.”

“Dammit, I’m not going to! I have nothing to apologize for! If anything, he should apologize!” Stan furiously kept clicking his pen.

Craig reached over and grabbed Stan’s hand with crushing force. “If you want to keep your fingers, stop it with the godforsaken pen. And what the hell was your argument over anyway? Aren’t you two super-best-gay-boyfriends and crap?”

Stan grimaced, dropping the pen and yanking his hand out of Craig’s steel grip. “Neither of us are freaking gay, and I don’t wanna talk about it. Wendy broke up with me again because of that prick!”

Kenny sighed. He was really hoping maybe that Stan would just man up and apologize, but apparently not. Things were going to be much harder than he had anticipated.

“Do you want to, like, send a message back to him? Through me?”

Stan nodded. “You know what? Yeah! Tell him that if he at least apologizes for the Wendy part that I’ll consider apologizing. But only if he does that!”

Kenny nodded in response. “Ok, I’ll tell him. See you two later.”

And with that, Kenny left, now heading on a different mission.

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“Hey, Wendy,” Cartman cooed, walking up beside her. “How are ya?”

Wendy rolled her eyes, grabbing her books out of her locker whilst flipping him off. “Screw off, Eric.”

“What? What did I do?” he said, feigning innocence and hurt in his voice.

 Kenny walked in between the pair quickly, trying to make his way over to Kyle as quickly as possible. He did not want to get caught up in a conversation of either of the two.

“Ey, wait, Kinny! Where are you going in such a fuckin’ hurry? Some new slut here you’re gonna go check out, man-whore?”

He scowled and turned around. “Fuck you, fatass! You’re the man-whore! I’m going to talk to someone who is most definitely not a slut.”

“Oooh, who?” Cartman seemed suspiciously curious.

Kenny glared at him and didn’t respond, just turning and going back along his way.

“Poor kid’s in a sour mood, as always. Wonder what ever happened to him. We used to be close, you know.”

Wendy rolled her eyes again, walking away.

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**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! leave any thoughts or reviews! constructive criticism is welcomed and appreciated!


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